1.
“I want to punch that baby.”
“I want to punch that baby.”
When it’s just screaming endlessly,
and no one’s doing anything about it, and you’re just trying to enjoy your
meal, and you know that your rage would be much better directed to the
spineless parent who is allowing this to carry on, but you just can’t even
think about them with the screaming in your ear — sometimes you just want to
punch the baby.
and no one’s doing anything about it, and you’re just trying to enjoy your
meal, and you know that your rage would be much better directed to the
spineless parent who is allowing this to carry on, but you just can’t even
think about them with the screaming in your ear — sometimes you just want to
punch the baby.
2.
“Does this person make more money than me?”
“Does this person make more money than me?”
How much are your coworkers making?
How about your friends? Your frenemies? Your cousins? What kind of money are
they making? They should be paying for my drinks with all this money they’re
throwing around. It happens all the time, doesn’t it?
How about your friends? Your frenemies? Your cousins? What kind of money are
they making? They should be paying for my drinks with all this money they’re
throwing around. It happens all the time, doesn’t it?
3.
“Am I going to jump right now?”
“Am I going to jump right now?”
Whether standing on a subway
platform or on the rooftop of a building which would definitely flatten you
immediately if you fell, there is always that terrifying moment of “What if I
just tipped right over and ended it all?” You’re not sad, you don’t want to
die, and you’re not the kind of person who even goes for an adrenaline rush,
and yet — it’s all you can think about it. Even the most even-keeled person is
guaranteed to get a rush or two of “Maybe I would just break all the bones in
my legs and still make it out okay” when looking over the railings of a long
stairwell. It’s human nature, and yet it never gets any less unnerving.
platform or on the rooftop of a building which would definitely flatten you
immediately if you fell, there is always that terrifying moment of “What if I
just tipped right over and ended it all?” You’re not sad, you don’t want to
die, and you’re not the kind of person who even goes for an adrenaline rush,
and yet — it’s all you can think about it. Even the most even-keeled person is
guaranteed to get a rush or two of “Maybe I would just break all the bones in
my legs and still make it out okay” when looking over the railings of a long
stairwell. It’s human nature, and yet it never gets any less unnerving.
4.
“This child/baby is ugly.”
“This child/baby is ugly.”
I don’t know, man, sometimes a baby
is just unattractive. You want to be nice, but you’re just like, “Yikes, 2/10
at best.” And it’s bad enough when it’s just some random baby crossed in the
street, but sometimes it’s popping up on your Facebook news feed or coming to
family functions and then you have to be repeatedly confronted with its
presence and forced to muster up some half-hearted lie about how cute it is.
Can we just be honest and be like, “Hey, some babies have great personalities.
Yours is one of them.” Please?
is just unattractive. You want to be nice, but you’re just like, “Yikes, 2/10
at best.” And it’s bad enough when it’s just some random baby crossed in the
street, but sometimes it’s popping up on your Facebook news feed or coming to
family functions and then you have to be repeatedly confronted with its
presence and forced to muster up some half-hearted lie about how cute it is.
Can we just be honest and be like, “Hey, some babies have great personalities.
Yours is one of them.” Please?
Do you agree with this submission? …and on this note, I say goodnight dearies….*yawns*
